Another Eventful Day in the Life of THE RAV

3/8/07 Had a meeting with Rhett's speech teacher. I felt SO much better after talking with her. She brags on him so much. Makes me feel good. Like I have done something right with him. How he is such a joy and loves his imagination. She assured me that his unwillingness on change does not border on being autistic which he isn't. She says it comes from him being so smart. If we say we are having soup, he EXPECTS us to have soup. No questions asked. No room for change in his little book. He just has a mom that constantly changes her mind. I try not tell him we are doing something because if we don't, then I have to hear about it. He whines until he gets on my last nerve, making me yell at him. Because we talked a great deal, I was a little late for work & so Tanika was beside herself. The Deputy Warden had let the other lady go on vacation while the supervisor was still out.

One of the counselors had to call the "supervisor" at home the day before to get a code to get into the Warden's state email. He can't do it himself. So the counselor got stuck talking to her. She said she tried to drive to Americus, GA but wound up in a ditch & doesn't know how she got there. Her husband came, a wrecker arrived to get her out of the ditch as well as a state trouper who gave her a sobriety test. Would love to know the results of that! Don said the warden could request it. This just lets me know she isn't any better (as you can see below...)

Then she had the nerve to tell this counselor that the secretary and I "are not much help. At least the secretary is better than Becky. Becky won't do anything to help anyone."

The more I thought about it, the madder I got. Here I had been contemplating emailing her as a friend because she'd sent an email to me at home that she also sent to others @ our work email address. She was telling some man named Jim how she missed talking to him. How she thought they were meant for each other but she loved her country husband yet she couldn't stop thinking of what might have been... This went to her brother, her son, etc. If I were her son, I would have called her & asked her what was wrong with her! I was embarrassed for her. Did she not realize what she had done? Obviously not. I don't think she does because she's too drugged up on something.

After what she said today, I realized she is NOT my friend. Has not been a true, good friend for a long, long time. May have never been one with the way she talks about folks behind their backs. She won't let people help her. She just hurts them and alienates them. So why should you help her? Even my preacher says you can't help someone like her.

Then the next day she is coming out to the prison to drop off papers for the Warden. Committal ones perhaps? It takes her all day to get here. I'd given up on her at 4:40. She showed up as we were leaving. We all marched out like penguins, one right behind the other hurrying to get out before she could start talking. It was rather funny the next day in hindsight. I felt her look me up and down to see what I was wearing or as if my clothes were not good enough. I was looking back at her to see if she looked normal or on something. My look probably said it all.

We all laughed about the manner we walked out the next day. The counselor who was among us, said we were "bad", but he was walking just as fast paced as we were! He had asked her if she needed to come into the office. "No, I won't be back in there for awhile" was her pitiful, fake voiced reply that made me want to gag. GAG.

We had a conversation with the warden. Made him aware of her recent "ditching". He doesn't expect her to come back. That may be wishful thinking on his part. He also told us the old secretary, Barbara, who had alzheimers was at the nursing home just up the road. After work I went up there to see her. Her daughter had warned me she might not have make up on. Barabara was standing by a medicine cart when I walked in a secure area. She didn't have make up on as Betsy said. She had a rash on her face. Wonder if it was a staff infection?

Barbara looked good. She had on a lot of jewelry as always. The beaded bracelets reminded me of myself. Is this going to be me years from now? I don't think she knew who I was but she hugged me really good as if she did. Maybe she needed the hug more than I did. There was this vacant, glazed look in her blue eyes. She had a BIG purse on her shoulder as always. Yet she seemed at a loss as to what to do. She'd keep looking at the nurses. It was ackward. I started to leave but couldn't get out. I had to have a code in order to leave. I didn't think she'd miss me. I had to come back and she motioned for me to come to her. The nurses were attempting to place dinner trays on the tables for all the poor old souls there. I told her I'd let her eat and come back another time. I had to get a nurse to let me out. I don't think I will go back. If she were family, I would.

Being there, seeing her, was so sad it almost made me cry. It really made me grateful... for my life, for my sometimes functioning mind and my many memories. I pray I never end up like that in a nursing home, not knowing who is visiting me.