Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Catching Up When So Far Behind

Sorry I haven't been on here in what seems like forever ago when its only been 5 days. Again my sign ons were not working which was frustrating and it is the holiday season. I have been staying up til midnight wrapping presents each night. Everyone's presents have to be wrapped in certain paper. Don's is wrapped in reindeers. My friend Nancy got gingerbread men because she collects them. I bought I roll of Martha Stewart that has them on it just for her.

When I went to that new dr, The ENT, I had on a green turtleneck & was burning up because we are having a very, unseasonably WARM Christmas here in Columbus, GA. I stopped @ Target because I knew they would have Christmas t-shirts for $5 and they did. I got 3! I changed before I left there to go on to work. One of them was pink with the word "VIXEN" on a banner with what looks like mistletoe. Just had to get it because it screamed, "Becky!" You will see this t-shirt again....

Friday, 12/15/06 after work, I was picking up some prescriptions at the local family drugstore near my mom's house. I felt someone tap me on the should and say my name. It was Bonnie. I wrote about her on my old blog. She is merely an acquaintance. She is a former drug addict that I have tried to remain friends with, but she really made it difficult the last time she called me. To make a long story short, she called at 8 while I was cooking supper. Rhett wanted to "help" me cook which you know is more a hinderance. I kept talking to Bonnie while I cooked. We talked until I had supper done. I was asking Rhett what he wanted on his plate which to anyone other normal person would have been a sign, a hint that I needed to go, but not Bonnie. She was telling me she'd been to the emergency room recently. Now she has been so many times that this is not surprising to me and its not that I am unsympathetic. I'd even taken her once when her own mother would not take her. She said she thought she was having a heart attack. I asked what did the doctors say. She said they sort of blew her off.

I told her I needed to go now so I could eat & she got mad. I wasn't concerned enough for her. I told her I was sorry she felt that way; that I had listened to her while I tried to cook with an 8 year old. She said that really hurt her feelings. Again I told her I was sorry and hung up on her. I did not feel bad about it or guilty. I had tried to be her friend plenty of times and she wouldn't let me. When I hung up on her, Don knew how it was.

Anyway she was getting a script filled too. She was asking if she could get it with Tylenol instead of asprin. They told her they had to fill it according to the script since it was a NARCOTIC. Bonnie has let her blonde streaks grow out of her hair too. It was much darker than the last time I saw her and she was much heavier. They have a table at this drug store. She wanted to sit down, have a conversation and catch up right there whereas I was uncomfortable. Ok its Christmas & I was putting the past aside. Then she apologized about the phone call. I said ok. I would have been fine with it, but then she had to spoil it by saying, "I know you were having a bad day and I was sure having a bad day..." I was NOT having a bad day. I was living out my life with my family doing what I was supposed to be doing, cooking supper for them. So I told her I had to go. Her brother was sitting outside in her car with the motor running all that time. I even looked behind me to see if they were following me to mom's but they didn't. Does this mean she will start calling me again? I'd found the ornament I'd made her for her birthday years ago that she wouldn't let me take to her house. Should I mail it to her in a card? If I do, will be on Dec. 21st the day we leave for Indy. If she calls, we will be gone.

I did condition my hair on Sat. So Sat nite I wear the Vixen t-shirt I'd bought to Mike E's party w/ a red suede jacket and a pretty Santa pin on the label. When Mike opens his door, I say, "This is Donner and I am Vixen. I come bearing gifts." I handed him one of the few patchwork Christmas balls I'd made this year. He just groaned, left us standing there & went to put the ornament on his tree, which is beautiful as always. He had served some delicious meatballs. Must get the recipe. He also had a chicken gumbo that was very good. He pointed out a something special just for me. I said "Awe, you remembered. That's so sweet." Yet its funny how time can change the taste buds. What I once liked doesn't taste the same now. I had to add stuff to it.

We'd been talking to a lady about geneology and friend of Mike's. She happened to be related to a lady who used to work at JCPenney's, Mrs. Huckaby, who died earlier in the year. Mary Jane D. W. was there. She was the history professor where I met Mike in college. Mike and his friend used to stare and leer at Genie and myself. Later Mike worked at JCPenney during Christmas and we have been friends ever since. A life time ago. The professor from that history class was there. Mary Jane has a very distinctive voice. She E-N-U-N-C-I-A-T-E-S her words. I tapped her on the arm as she was leaving and asked if she was Mary Jane which later I thought was a tad disrespectful since she is older than me and was my teacher. She didn't seem to mind as much as I did. She must get asked this alot because she said she was in a dressing room in Chicago asking for another size when someone asked, "Is that you Mrs. W?" So my world got a little smaller Saturday night.

Then my cuz Mike showed up. I'd know that voice and that laugh anywhere... When I heard him, I just up and left Don across the room from the geneology lady, Anne. Of course Mike spoke to Don, but he's only seen him 3 or 4 times so it took him awhile to realize who he was... like on the way to our car when we were leaving! Mike & I went to the kitchen where we talked & talked who knows how long. (I'd left my watch at home.) We reminisced, laughed a lot, caught up and generally just enjoyed the visit. We got on the subject of "Dark Shadows". I still have the 8 track sound track from it that can only be played on a radio at my mom's. I had an imitation black oval ring similar to the one Barnabas wore which I gave to Mike on one of his birthdays after my mom bought me a real black oval ring. He almostr cried when he opened it. Since I had Rhett, I can no longer wear my black ring on my index finger as Barnabas did. Mike told me I need to sell my old toys on ebay. I told him I am not ebay savy.

My cuz Mike now dyes his hair a reddish blonde much like the color of what his father's hair used to be before turning white. We compared his balding to my gray. He kept telling everyone he was 44. Not sure why unless he knows he doesn't look it. I don't reveal my age now probably because I can't believe I am as old as I will be next month. Don came into the kitchen. We got on the subject of CDL licenses. Again I told Don he couldn't become a truck driver meaning: he couldn't drive 18 wheelers out of town. He has trouble staying awake while driving. He might get killed. So we were "debating" the last time he was falling asleep driving to or from Indy. Mike laughed at our banter. He told Don, "You can beat that out of her... and she just might like it!" He hasn't changed a bit. Luckily he didn't show out as he has been famous for doing. Maybe he's finally matured.

Before we left, I had Don take 2 pictures of me between the Mike's in front of the tree. I should have had them take one of me with Don since we were"Donner and Vixen." We left at 11:30 which is late for us. Rhett was running a fever by the time we picked him up at mom's. He'd wanted mom to call me at 9:30 because he needed his mommy (Awe) but she wouldn't call me. Rhett got sick this time last year after Mike's party. Does that mean he will get sick next year if we go?

I kept Rhett home from church the next day. He milked it too. But by Sun evening his fever had returned.

Mon. 12/18/06 Rhett had to go to the orthodontist. Even though Don wasn't working I knew I had to take him to the appointment. I knew Don would take him to the bathroom and spank him for the way he does because he is scared and cries. That wouldn't solve anything. It would only make him hate to go. He chose green bands for his braces this time. I suggested red & green, but he is not brave like me colorwise. Afterwards he got a game for his gameboy. This time he got American Idol. By the end of the night, it was driving me up the wall.

Last night 12/19/06, mom's old ex neighbor, Madge, that had to have 2 bottles of wine every other day, that moved to San Luis Opispo, Ca. sent them a Christmas gift of Omaha filet mignons with stuffed potatoes. Don attempted to cook them on mom's little grill. I'd gotten lighter fluid that you fill up lighters with by mistake! He had to go buy the right stuff. The smoke was killing me. It was coming inside the house. We ended up cooking the steaks in the oven. No one ate a whole one so mom had lots of leftovers. The barbecue bread was the best. I guess because I haven't had any of it in so long. I mailed out a bunch of Christmas cards.

Two days after my birthday, on Jan. 8th, Elvis' birthday, I have jury duty in Montgomery, Alabama! I want Don to drive me if he doesn't have a job by then. I have relatives over there, an aunt & some cousins. Also Genie's daughter Jena is at Auburn at Montgomery. I'd really love to see her as well as my friend Katherine if at all possible. If I could get to see everyone, it would be like a belated birthday present even though I am not looking forward to the jury duty. I've asked the Warden to write me a letter so I could get out of it if possible. Driving over an hour away just for jury duty doesn't seem right in my book. My cousin Ben had to do it once before, during the death of our Uncle Waldo. He made it in time for the funeral.

Our dishwasher is broken. Don tried to fix it. Now it won't even work. I HATE doing dishes!

I have been having trouble with my right shoulder. I thought I kept sleeping on it wrong for the past 2 weeks. Last night I should have taken some Alleve before I crashed into bed after another midnight wrapping fest. It hurt so bad, I couldn't even pull the covers up. It was hurting so bad, it woke me up at 4:45 am. I took 3 Alleve. I was able to go back to sleep. At least this time Don didn't have to help me put on my shirt this morning. I did go to the "real" dr in the prison clinic. He told me it sounded like bursitis (sp?). Great! Just because I will turning a year older, I have what my grandmother had! I can't be getting old! He told me to take Alleve for 10 days but no longer, not mix with any other asprins because it can cause bleeding in the stomach. If it doesn't improve then I will have to see my regular dr. At least he saved me some $ for now this close to Christmas.

Got a million and one things to do. Not pulling my hair out yet. I'll be exhausted by the time we get to Indy. My supervisor had the nerve to ask me if we were going out of town. I just told her I didn't know in a not so nice tone.

I have a ton of quotes but not time for them. Sorry. If I don't get back on here again, I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas. Have you been naughty or nice? Go to: to see. (Those are upper case dashes between naughty or and or and nice.) I had 2,117 nice entries & 295 naughty entries. Mike E said he is always good. Yeah, right.

Have you bought anything for yourself for Christmas? I have. Besides the shirts, I found 4 books last night! One is the latest Sherrilyn Kennyon entitled Dark Side of the Moon which will go with me to Indy.

Friday, December 15, 2006

My friend Penny had sent me a book for my birthday last year entitled Place of Sage. I just couldn't get into the book for some reason. At least not until after Penny had been diagnosed with cancer. I cried like a baby when I read it. It is a wonderful book if you can stand the tears that will come.

I wrote a poem about it in July...

"The Dirt Devil"

Last night I finished Place of Sage
Didn't need to wash my face
My tears washed it for me.

Saw another dragonfly today.
(If you read the book, you'll understand the significance.)
On my way back from lunch.
I asked God to show me a sign
like He did Jaime in the book.

Almost back at the prison where I work
(but not my prison)
To my right I looked
and there was a dirt devil in the ditch!
Just like the one in the book.
What are the odds of finding one in Georgia?
We saw one two years ago out west where you would expect one.

Thank you, Lord, for answering my prayer
and showing me the dirt devil.

As I was leaving work,
I saw 3 more dragonflies!
~Becky Bristow Voyles~
July 13, 2006

When I told my husband about the dirt devil I saw, he thought I meant a vacuum cleaner! Then he asked me if that meant I wanted to move to Washington state now! NO! Guess he was trying to be funny but I didn't find it amusing. My friend Penny understood what I meant by my words whenI told her, but she has read the book. Even Elisa, my oldest stepdaughter, understood what I was attempting to say about my little "religious" experience. Why couldn't he? Is it because he's a man and men don't express their feelings the way woment do?

That morning as I was deciding what to put on my other blog, I came across this poem I'd written months ago so you can see how often my muse visits me. Plus I didn't want you to think I was turning all Slyvia Plath and about to go off the deep end. These are not my best pieces of work. Perhaps I should just stick to quotes now.
Scraps of Myself

On my old blog I had been wanting to attempt something different... to write more; to pour myself onto the pages like I used to do when I wrote at least a poem a day. That was when I was young and so sure I was going to be in The Guiness Book of World Records for writing the most poetry. It is not about the number. I forget how many I'd written back then, but it was more than 17,000 or 21,000 the last time I checked. Never checked to see what the world record was for poetry. That part of me is bound in black & white spotted compostion books I'd bought at Woolworth's in the mall. They are on a special shelf at my mom's. My mom & I saw a shelf in home improvement magazine so we had one like it built by my friend Wesley. The last time I took them down to reread, I got really depressed. I realized in hindsight what a lonely teenager I was who was looking for love, mainly in the wrong faces. Back then I was going to write The Great American Novel and appear on Johnny Carson. Won't see ole Johnny now! I was going to write a book about all my men, but there were so few of them that it wouldn't sell like a Danielle Steele Novel. When I had my heart broken by the 2nd love of my life, he took away my way with words and I turned my creativity to art. So I became an artist of a sort. At times my muse would return and bless me with the gift of words for which I am thankful. That occured early Saturday morning on 11/22/06.


I stand
Ripper in hand
I rip apart
the seams of myself
I fall to pieces
at what was
my own two feet
just scraps of myself.
A breeze blows
A bit of me here
A piece of me there,
Mrs. Humpty Dumpty, 2006
The RAV nevermore
who will care?
~Becky Bristow Voyles~
11/18/06 7:27 a. m.

Even when I wrote this on my other blog, I thought perhaps this wasn't the best poem to jump out the gate with, but I was proud of it like a mother who is proud of her child. My close friends have all seen my poetry before, none complained, thought me daft or a total lunatic. They all know I am a bit different which makes me unique. Please don't think I was depressed when it came to me that morning for I assure you I wasn't. It felt so good to be inspired after being dry for so long. I felt so alive. Even though I sounded down in it, I am proud of my words.

Free Hit Counters

Free Counter
My Ink Runneth Over....

Ok. I'm gonna try to play catch up on this blog... Back on 11/29/06, I wrote:

Perhaps I should Inform Susannah of Ink on My Fingers that my ink runneth over... I left a neon yellow highlighter near my Officer Attendance Rosters and it made a stain as if I'd spilled a drop of yellow mustard on them. Today I discovered in my desk drawer at work, a BIG red blot on some of my check stubs. I must have left the top off my red flair pen again. Was I literally sending out a red flair? To what and to whom? It looks like a giant drop of red blood the size of a large strawberry. It went through 3 check stubs. And I thought I was through with my periods! = ) LOL Guess I was just adding a little color to my work.

Quote of the day:

Write 20 poems and have them bound in leather. -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.-

My friend Mike E sent me this on 11/25/06:

Expressions of Gratitude

For the rise and set of the sun each day I am thankful.
For the bounty and beauty of mother earth I am thankful.
For the home where the heart of the family resides I am thankful.
For enduring devotion of steadfast friendships I am thankful.
For the pages of memories in my book of time I am thankful.
For the setting aside of an eminent day to gather in love, to pause to say:
"I am grateful for the abundance of blessings in my life."
I am thankful.
~Terri McPherson~
(Thanks, Mike.)
When I got off work yesterday, I stopped by mom's to wrap 4 Christmas presents. 2 for Rhett, 2 for Don. We chatted while she watched me wrap. She didn't offer to "help", offer her suggestions or move the paper as she did the last time when I was wrapping her gift to Rhett. She wanted to do it her way & I wanted to do it mine. Neither the twane shall meet. I got mad because she made me mess up. If she would have left me alone, I would have been fine. When I brought the gifts in our house, they had no gift tags on them. Rhett asked who they were for. I told him I wasn't sure yet. He told me I knew who they were for! Of course I did!

Haven't had much of an appetite lately since I'd been sick. I have a new script for something called QDALL which I haven't started taking yet. Went on line to see the side effects. It may give me dry mouth. Wonderful! I have to take it once a day for 30 days. I guess I am waiting til we go to Indy since we will be staying up in the dusty, old attic that the windows are only opened when we go up in the summer.

Our tree is up with a single bear hanging on it. Rhett got tired of waiting on us to put it together so he put the branches up himself. Mr. Independent. One part broke off so 3 bottom branches couldn't go up. He cried. I didn't get upset about it which is surprising. I've had the tree since high school so we have gotten our money's worth out of it. Don did glue it back together. Hope it holds. If not, we'll turn the tree to the window. It just means less ornaments can go up. We probably have enough ornaments for 3 trees! I am hoping we can get a new one on sale on the way back from Indy the day after Christmas. Don asked me last night if we were going to decorate 7 days before Christmas. I told him, "Yep!" Don worked on his Christmas cards last night before going to bed. At 1st he couldn't find his letters I'd printed for him. What did this man ever do before we got married?

I have this picture of Rhett taken on Halloween that I wanted to use as our cards this year. Got to find that & get them printed like yesterday. Mike E is having a party this weekend which I am so looking forward to... my cousin Mike will be there. Haven't seen him in years. Can't remember when the last time I saw him. Hope he acts like a normal human being. I still remember... how we got into a very loud discussion where he'd had too much to drink at W. D. Crowley's and decided to blame my mom and me for everything he thought we did wrong in life up to that point. I just knew my Daddy would have to bail me out of jail that night, but luckily he didn't. I do have a vampire book and some magnets I am giving my cuz this year. I had an extra copy of an L. A. Banks novel. I guess I am in the Christmas spirit of giving no matter what someone has done to me in the past which is a good thing.

I am going to condition my hair either tonight (which I doubt) or tomorrow. Exciting. It is beginning to look like straw. I have been using leave in conditioners when I get out of the shower because it saves me time. Its time to do something for myself...

Quotes of the Day:
"The past is never dead, it is not even past. -William Faulkner-

Choose red socks as your signature clothing item. -H. Jackson Brown, Jr.-
(In case you didn't know, he is one of my favorite people to quote. He created these calendars called Life's Little Instruction Calendars. I discoverd him a few years ago. I had a book by him entitled Life's Little Instruction Book which I fell in love with. He inspired me to write my own quotes.

(All of you who know me know I would choose pink socks as my signature clothing item because it is my signature color.)

Try to wear a different pair of Christmas socks for the entire month of December. ~Becky, theRAV

Perhaps too much of a everything is as bad as too little. ~Edna Ferber~

I guess that is enough for now.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

The neatest, most unexpected surprise... the best kind....

I had the neatest, most unexpected surprise when I arrived home yesterday... Awsome Abby had sent me a package. It was just lying there on the table waiting for me come home to open it. When I saw it was from her, I knew exactly what it was... it was one of the alphabet magnets she had made and posted on her blog. Mine was pink "like my (other) blog" as she put it; fushia actually, but I loved it! I put it on the fridge immediately. Thanks so much, Abby!

I'd sent a young mother to Abby's blog because of a shirt Abby had done a scrapbook page for and she recreated the shirt. This young mom's daughter had the same shirt. My friend couldn't believe it was the same shirt. When I told her Abby had sent me something. She asked me if knew her (Abby) as if I'd done something wrong. Even though we have never met, I consider her my friend. Some people are meant to be your friends. Its not to be questioned.

I met a friend named Irene thru the Osmonds. I'd send in a request for pen pals in a "Tiger Beat" magazine. Be careful what you wish for... I got 100's and 100's of letters daily. Irene lived in Tallahasee, Fl. Her grandmother lived in Columbus, GA., not far from my house. We became friends. I loved eating lunch at her grandmother's. Such good southern cooking. Now we only send Christmas cards once a year. I still consider her my friend.

Took Katherine her birthday present from Rhett to church last night which she opened already. She said she loved it . It was a Santa star shaped ornament with her name on it.

My friend Penny and her family was added to the list for prayers last night. Little Chloe Shiver, the 4 yr old who has a rare form of cancer has a gall bladder full of gall stones & the outside has calcified. She has had diarreah for 15 days, lost 2 lbs that she didn't need to loose. Her counts are too low for them to do surgery for it on her. Please keep her in your prayers.

I called one of Penny's friends to tell them about her father's death after church. Lefty was sick. I was doing most of the talking as always but he had a coughing fit that sounded like he had emphysema! I told him I'd let him go so he could stop coughing.

Also called Penny. Got to talk to her for 18 mins. They were taking a group of kids or girls caroling and she sounded excited not sad because her dad was dead. I'm sure she needed the distraction. It reminded me of when one of my grandparents died & my friend Mike E called. Penny was there. We'd all just taken a ginsing tablet & were being silly thinking the ginsing had worked like wine or something. Because we were all in fine spirits, Mike was going to come on over, then I had to tell him we were about to go to the funeral.

The good news is Penny is coming here. The bad news is its because her father died.

I put the magnet backings on some teacher sayings I had cut out for Rhett's teacher and laminated. Awhile back, I'd sent her a note that had 2 pups on it. She had put the word "cute" out beside it. So I knew that was going to be a magnet for her. Its a very inexpensive way to give a gift. One of them can be hung as an ornament. Its wrapped and ready to go with him to school tomorrow. Today they got to change into their pj's to watch "The Polar Express" (which he has seen 3xs now!) & drink cocoa. I forgot his house shoes. I think "house shoes" is a southern term. Do you say house shoes or slippers or what?

The only other thing that has been pressing down upon me is our Christmas plans have changed. No one can drive my husband's folks down from Indiana. Since Don lost his job, he has plenty of time on his hands, whereas I am not at the point of pulling mine and his hair out doing the Christmas stuff. I had a feeling we would be going up there even though it is not our turn. I knew the other girl had asked off for after Christmas. The Black Widow Spider aka Illy Nilly was out "sick" so I went over her and asked her supervisor if I could be off for that one day after Christmas. I never take much time off. I work when I am sick. I even said I would do ALL the money orders that come in for the inmates the next day, even stay late if I could be off. He signed my leave request sheet as soon as I handed it to him. Put it on Illy's desk knowing she would be ticked off when she returned tomorrow.

Illy is back today. When I came in, she'd left a copy of of my leave request, saying she "denied it because I am the back up". She is supposed to know how to do all that we do in the office, but is too good to do it now. I took it into his office & asked him, "Now what?" He told me to, "Just go on go." So I am not worrying about it. I did not say anything to her. She probably thinks I was sulking today because of it. I wasn't. I just have nothing to say to her any more because I know how she is... the type that has to have her way; to have the last word. She was not going to have any power over me to upset me; not going to run my blood pressure up when it is normal now. Enough about that!

Sometimes I just feel like I am the one who makes all the sacrifices.

Abby had a meme on her blog yesterday. What are your 3 simple happinesses today?

Today I am just happy because....of the magnet Abby surprised me with yesterday. Today I am happy because... I finally got back on my new blog. (It doesn't take much for me!) Today I am happy because... I had a comment back from Susannah from Ink On My Fingers!!! I attempted to respond on her blog and to her comments, but didn't have the passwords right. So thanks, Susannah. I loved these lines you wrote... (these will be my quotes of the day:)

"I read poetry so I can roll around in delicious words." and...

"I couldn't live without either novels or poems. As melodramtic as it sounds, I really do believe I would shrivel up and die."

"...the morning after the dark night of the soul..."

What made you happy today?

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

I am trying this yet again... another blog for more than one reason... 1. in order to respond to Ink on My Fingers blog which I absolutelylove, recommend and visit faithfully each day. 2. To possibly respond to Awsome Abby's blog via this way rather than thru the quotability site as AOL email. 3. To be able to post on Garry Betty's blog. Gary is a fellow high schooler who was just recently diagnosed with a rare form of kidney cancer.

So now I have two blogs, possibly more... I have another one out there just haning in limbo waiting for my words... but I can't remember my passwords which means I have far too many of them. I wrote these down. I guess that means I am getting old.

Today I have several concerns... My best friend Penny, who had breast cancer earlier this year, lost her father yesterday. I just cannot imagine it. She had called me yesterday, but my 8 year old could only tell me a "Kimmy called". I know no Kimmy's or Timmy's. He didn't tell me this til after 9 pm. He said she asked him about his ukelelee. I got motherly defensive when I asked, "Who knows you have one?" He told me she said she gave it to him. A light bulb comes on inside my head. Penny's mom actually handed it to him so I thought it was her calling. If I had not been involved in a tv program, a red light should have went off. So I feel bad that I did not call Margie or Penny now. Penny sent me an email about it.

Last night I wrapped 7 Christmas presents before going to bed. The news was on as I was preparing my nightly rituals before going off to la-la land. I was standing in the kitchen when I heard about a bank robbery and recognized the robber's name. It was my friend Patti's son who was badly burned in an explosion at work in New Orleans earlier this year. I had my entire church and email buddies praying for his recovery and it was working, too! I went back into living room only to see his picture on the tv screen. My husband thinks because his worker's comp wasn't paying for his next surgery, he decided to take matters into his own hands. Now he has ruined his life.

All I can think of his is his poor mother who is my friend and one of THE sweetest women you will ever meet. I just feel for her although I can't imagine what she is going thru at this time. I'd just sent her son a get well card yesterday. Also I'd try to call her on Friday because it was the work Christmas party and I wanted to see if she was going to it. All I can do is still be her friend; still be there for her if she needs me.

So today is a weird sort of day... Make me feel as if I have been sideswiped with bad things happening whereas my friends must feel as if they were struck with a Mack truck that backed up on them and ran back over them again! I know if this actually happening in reality.