Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The Pot Holder

Back on May 23, 2007, I had something neat happen to me on that day... or I thought it was neat. Years ago I bought a pot holder here to work to sit on my desk to place my canned Pepsi's upon. I may have been doing it for going on 13 years now. This old blue one may have been here for over 7 years so it was looking like it just might need a good washing. I grabbed another one from the kitchen to use in it's place. It was a black and white drawing with an almost toile like quality of a pen an ink drawing of cherries, maybe plums and and lot of leaves. It was the drawing itself that made me buy it in the first place because it doesn't match my mauve and blue kitchen.

I thought... I could xerox it and I did exactly that that morning. Of course it took up the center of the page. Then I reduced it. I made some cards with it which some folks might be seeing later... if they are lucky now that I have spoiled the surprise. I reduced it even more to make magnets for the kitchen all in a matter of moments. It made me feel really good. It doesn't take much for me. Its always the simple, little things in life that matter most to me. Just had to share.
Most of my friends like the idea when I sent it out as an email. They look forward to seeing the potholder cards soon...

What made you happy today?

Barbie, Signs

I had not written in my Gratitude journal in awhile; over a month to be exact. Just because I did not write in it, doesn't mean I am not grateful. I have had many, many things to be grateful for lately. I was blogging it all my blog instead. Then I realized... I do NOT have to blog every day. I can always catch up to myself later. Lately it seemed I was only putting eventful things on my blog like the matter of my crazy cousin. Its about not putting "today was a total waste of make-up" type things even if it may be true.

I'd re-read my blog back to the 1st of this year. Six months of my life on printed pages. I found my blog funny if I do say so myself. At least I appreciate my sense of humor and am grateful for it. It has kept me sane all these years. I crack myself up at times.

Today I saw where a lady sheriff had a Barbie similar to the one my cousin Barbara gave me. I couldn't tell from the photo if it was red-headed like my Barbie from 1961. I emailed the lady tellilng her I had one similar to it and thanked her for bringing back those wonderful memories from my childhood. A carefree time in my life with no responsiblities whatsoever. Just dressing up my dolls. She told me her doll had "auburn" hair. I told her I'd pick it up after work. Even I thought it was a bit odd that I would be buying another Barbie doll I didn't need when I haven't opened the trunk holding mine in ages. Going through my second childhood, perhaps? I didn't have $15 on me so I had to stop to get some more money which should have been a sign... I was having a literal bad hair day anyway. I left the lady's phone # at work or threw it away. Another sign...? So I go all the way downtown up to the Sheriff's office only find the Barbie had dark brown hair in a pony tail! Margie pointed out she was only a reproduction. That was my final sign. The one that said I really did not need to buy her and save my money.

Got gas on the way home to mom's & the fumes go in my eyes really, really bad. So bad that I had to pull over until my eyes stopped pouring water.

I made a neat new discovery today.... a lady who works in accounting is into paranormal books like myself. We had a good conversation about that subject. I told her its nice to know there is someone else out there like me! Although we mostly talk on the phone, there is something about her that has often reminded me of Pam who used to work @ JCP. Pam was a "treker" and loved Stephen King. She'd even said she was going to have his love child! Pam and I went to a "con" in Atlanta once upon a lifetime ago. It was a science fiction convention. Marc Singer was one of the actors speaking there. I got an autographed color picture of him in his loincloth from the movie "Beastmaster". I also got some "Dark Shadows" buttons and a "Beauty and the Beast" button of Vincent from that tv series. Good times.

My mind has been so much on Friday and going to 6 Flags that Mom had to remind me tomorrow is my parent's 54th anniversary. Where is my mind?

Quotes of the Day:

Be yourself; no base imitator of another, but your best self.
There is something which you can do better than another.
Listen to the inward voice and bravely obey that.
Do the things at which you are great,
not what you were never made for.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson-

Don't dwell on what went wrong.
Instead, focus on what to do next.
Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer.
-Denis Waitley-

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Weird Coincidences, There Be Dragons, Quotes, Searching for Becky Again, Foiled

I am now reading the third book in the Aisling Gray, Guardian novel, Light My Fire by Katie MacAllister. The male dragon, Drake, keeps refering to Aisling (Ashling), who is his mate as "Mate". The word mate kept popping up more than once while playing Bookworm yesterday and today. Coincidence? Then I read the part where Aisling was run through her middle with a sword by another dragon from a warring sect. Being a dragon's mate, she is immortal, besides she is the main character and cannot die or be killed off. At least I hope not! After reading this part, I accidentally knocked my ice tea in a styrofoam cup off my desk onto the floor. My straw had pierced through the bottom of the cup, but it was lying sideways so no liquid was flowing freely forth onto the carpet! I thought why is this familiar? What has come all the way through something recently? Then I rememebered... what I'd just read. Weird. "Twillight Zone" theme playing now.

Since reading these books, the words "there be dragons" keep coming to mind.

Quotes of the Day:

Look well into thyself;
there is a source of strength
which will always spring up
if thou wilt always look there.
-Marcus Antonius-

Look not to into thyself for strength
Look to the Lord.
He will provide all the strength you need
to get through anything.
Look to thy friends
for comfort, support and love.
Look to me
for all the laughter
you need.
~Becky Bristow Voyles~
June 15, 2007

(Sent that to my friend Bob.)

I had to face the facts,
I was pear-shaped...
I hate pears!
~Charlotte Bingham~

Not all closed doors are locked. -unknown-

You know you are bored at work when you go on the internet searching for yourself!
~Becky Bristow Voyles~

My eyes are an ocean in which my dreams are reflected.
~Anna M. Uhlich~
(This was a quote used on a beautiful black and white photograph of a girl by Becky D. Voyles. I saw no picture of Becky.)

There was some ghost site in the Carolinas that had pictures of its memembers with a brief description about them. One of them was a Becky Voyles. Of course I had to see what she looked like... but she was nothing like me. What would I have done if I'd seen myself staring back at me? Scream? She was older, grayer and heavier-set than myself. The weird coincidence was she was originally from Indiana. Now I can't remember the name of the website. I printed it out along with another email for Don. This one was beneath the email. When Don read it, he asked what is your name doing on here? I explained what I discovered in my boredom. He said, "I thought you'd already searched for yourself." I had. But I found something new. Well, sort of.

... my cup runneth over... Psalm 23:5
"with thoughts of you, prayers for you and thankfulness that you are my friend."
~Becky Bristow Voyles~

Trust in what you love, continue to do it, and it will take you where you need to go.
~Natalie Goldberg~

Well, I have shared with you the crazy names people have come up with for Voyles in the past. Today's mispronunciation "took the cake and the candles too" as my friend Penny would say. Today I was called "Foils". Curses. Foiled again.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Glow-in-the-dark Braces, A Lazy Tongue, Art Alteratation

Yesterday I began my day by drinking a Yoplait strawberry smoothie that left me feeling yucky later. I took Rhett to the orthodontist. He got glow-in-the-dark bands this time but we forgot to see if they would glow last night! They will remove them next visit. YEAH! They had to take another mold of his mouth for his upcoming retainer. He cried and gagged, but still got a new game for his game boy afterwards. I discussed how he has been placing his tongue when he talks. The lady that works on his braces told him he needed to stop or he would end up wearing another appliance later which makes it sound like he will wear a toaster! When the orthodontist watched him talking, he had him swallow also to see where he places his tongue. He thought he might have a lazy tongue. (Not in my opinion with the way he talks non-stop and all the noises he makes!) There is nothing that can be done for a lazy tongue. It wasn't until later when we were driving around that I realized the orthodontist got the side he places his tongue confused. He thought because all of his teeth on the left side have not shifted and there are spaces, that he puts his tongue there to overcompensate. But he was placing it on the right side!

The only other thing I know to do is video tape him talking and let him see what he is doing wrong or let him stand in front of the mirror once he stops hamming it up.

I got a new book. I seem to be into trilogies lately... I got the sequel to You Slay Me by Katie MacAllister which is You Fire Me UP. There be dragons.

Today felt like one of The Three Bears... I noticed someone had been at my desk... I have this rather LARGE doodling I add to daily while I am on the phone. This is a habit I inherited from my mom. One counselor says I draw demons but I don't. They could be ghosts. Someone else asked, "What would a shrink say about my drawings?" Who cares? I noticed another eye had been added to it. I thought I knew who did that... Country Bubba who drew the 1st eye, who also said I drew demons.

We had an escapee at the prison yesterday. I asked if anyone was at my desk after I left to take Rhett to the orthodontist. Some people came in from the Dept of Corrections, GBI and IA, where at my desk. Then I was told it was the culprit I suspected in the first place of altering my artwork was also seated there. It made me mad he drew on my picture. I had to go back & make some alterations of my own to cover up his additions. He'd put an "m" right in the middle of some of my drawn lines which to me would have ruined it; made it stick out like a sour thumb since there are no letters in my drawing. You would not take the Mona Lisa and just stick on M on it! The extra eye I didn't mind so much. BUT IT WAS MY PIECE OF ART! This was not a group project. I did not ask for help or volunteers. Art is an individial thing in my book. Obviously he has not read my rules on the subject.

I had decided days ago to entitle my drawing "Don't Let the Darkness Get You".

Quotes of the day:

Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.
-Malcom Forbes-

Blessed are the cracked, for they are the ones who let in the light!

Sometimes it takes darkness and sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn
anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you.
-from Sweet Darkness by David Whyte

It is the simple things that make one happiest. -Bob Slaughter-

Even when you are running out of ink, you can still draw something.
~Becky Bristow Voyles~

When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat.
-Mark Twain-

Art is an individual thing. ~Becky Bristow Voyles~

Be the reason someone smiles today.
-H. Jackson Brown, Jr.-

Monday, June 11, 2007

Latest Advententurous Weekend

Well, I think most of you that know me well know by now... that I have been in a men's bathroom more than once. I have shown up at a house where I thought was to be a wedding shower because there were lots of cars parked in the yard, entered and asked, "Is this the party?" They probaly thought I was a stripper! But luckily they new which house my friend used to live in. I have gone to a friend's Christmas party THE NIGHT BEFORE THE PARTY which worked out really good because I got to have my friend all to myself with Don of course. His time wasn't limited with other guests. Now I have topped even myself...

I went to my friend Bob's father's funeral Saturday. I was running late as always so I went on into the cemetary. I was following the orange cones. I stopped at the 1st funeral in progress when I should have gone down to where the funeral man was standing. Instead I parked and walked. I saw a lady from the funeral home from the night before so I just knew I was at the right place. Yet I saw different folks from the night before. There was a bagpiper who'd already played so I missed it. Then they said the man's nickname which I didn't think had anything to do with Bob's father's name, but it was still a nickname which can be anything you want it to be. Then they said, "...on behalf of the Bickerstaff family..." and I knew I was not only late, I was at the wrong funeral! I simply walked back to my car as if nothing was wrong with my held held high. I'd never see these people again. Besides I had on sunglasses so I was incognito.

I did stop to ask the funeral man this time who gave me not so helpful directions of "...around Veteran's...". Veteran's what? Not Parkway! Okay. I pass two unoccupied green awnings set up for funerals. Surely they could not have already had the funeral, I thought to myself. I drove on until I came upon the next funeral in progress. One of the funeral men did approach me and say Bob's father's last name at the same time I did so I was relieved to know I was finally at the right funeral.

There were mostly older ladies standing in the very back of the tent. They did not stand directly behind the chairs set up for the family. They simply stood where the awning almost stopped covering you from the sun's hot rays. They did not move up when I came up. Next thing I know ants are biting my toes! I keep reaching down to pick off ants off my toes. The old lady directly in front of me keeps looking down at what I am doing. Why were they not biting her? She still didn't offer to move up. I thought this is just great! But I didn't ask, "What next?" because I didn't want to find out!

The sermon was very nice. They included my friend Jimmy because he has been a friend of the family for so long. The preacher told the story about how Bob, his brother Joe and Jimmy wanted to go to Flat Rock Park, but Bob's father told them they couldn't go or couldn't take the car. Being teenagers, they went anyway. They had a flat tire so they called Bob's father. He simply told them to change it because they knew how to do it. Then they said, "What about the other tire?" So he still had to come help them, but didn't scold them because he knew they'd learned their lesson. I thought it was funny. Maybe because I could picture it in my mind...

Jimmy was one of the first ones I saw after the family stood up when the service was over. I'd missed him at the funeral home the night before. Rhett and I went right at about 5:15. Jimmy was fashionably late. He looked good. He'd just had some skin tags removed from his shoulders and back. He showed me the ones on his shoulders.

I was introduced to some of their friends they went to elementary school with. One lady knew me from my emails I'd sent Bob and said, "I know you!" which made me feel good. It was kind of strange that someone knows me by my email sign on. The world gets smaller every day.

The lady that went to the wrong funeral wanted Jimmy to introduce us. She said she saw me at the other funeral. Which meant she saw this crazy lady arrive and leave within a few minutes. I said, "Yes, I remember your dress..." which sounded really dumb. She had on a black & white print dress that looked similar to the top Don & Rhett got me for Mother's Day this year & I leaned back to see if she was wearing my blouse. I did not mention that I remembered seeing her at the funeral home the night before. She said she stayed at the wrong one hoping Bob's dad's would not be over with when she arrived. She said she did not have the nerve to leave it. I guesss I did have the nerve. It was really funny. Another experience I won't forget.

I followed them back to Bob's house. I have not been there in years. Not since Jimmy invited David and I for New Year's Eve dinner. I can't remember who else was there. I just remembered the things David and I would not eat. Now I can't remember what we did eat.

I helped put out the food then told Bob & Jimmy I felt bad because I had not brought anything. Jimmy said I brought something even better... I brought myself. Awe. That really made me feel good. Bob changed into shorts. Then Jimmy remembered he needed to let his dogs back inside his house due to the heat. He asked me if I would take him. I told him I would because I wanted to see his new house. It is very easy to find off River Road. They've put in hardwood floors, painted all the walls cream. I really liked it even better than his old house. I think because there is so much light coming in, making it light and airy. You know you walk in some homes and just get a good feeling about it and this was one of those. I did not have a good feeling about the other one.

Then we went back to Bob's and ate. I took pictures of the three of us.

I came home with blisters on my the bottom of my big toes from the cute sandals I wore. Rhett had a bowling party at 4:30. We need to stop to buy a gift on the way. Don wouldn't let me change out of my dress. I told him I would freeze to death at the bowling alley! I am glad we went to the Alex's birthday. A lot of kids didn't show up. I enjoyed the fellowship with the Nancy and Ms. Emmie while they bowled. They were taking longer than I anticipated because we were supposed to go a surprise 73rd birthday party for my fave uncle. His son is the one who sent me nasty emails and threatened me so I debated all week about going or not going. I had my mom call me on my cell to tell me if my cuz was there and of course he was! But I knew I could walk in with my head held high yet again today and not speak to him. We were 30 mins late due to the three games of bowling. I apologized to my uncle. My aunt did not show her butt this time like she did the last time the family went out when my oldest living uncle was here from Texarkana (which is where my cuz gets it from). The evening went well without incident. It seemed ackward to me. No one said much. I directed all my comments to either my aunt, my uncle or my mom. I did not mention my funeral faux paux not out of fear of what my cousin might say like how dumb I was or something worse. I did not order fish like I threatened to do earlier.

Rhett had a tummy ache so alot was focused on him. I rubbed his back until I saw this smile on his face as he had his head down on the table and realized he was milking it for all it was worth! Everyone thought that was funny. I did not tell him to do this although my cuz may think I did, but I don't really care what he thinks anymore.

A child was crying and he acted as if he was going to scream at the woman to shut the child up, but his mom stopped him. The funniest part was he was the only one to have a salad. He is weired and even his salad looked as weird as he does. He said said something like, "I don't want to be a jackass and be the only one eating a salad." My mom didn't hear him say that part, but she and my aunt both said "Go for it!" at the same time. Later Don said he was laughing on the inside because he thought, "Yea, you are one." Of course I am dying laughing on the inside too.

I am just so very thankful that nothing bad happened and it went as well as it did for my uncle's sake. My Uncle's birthday was not spoiled by harsh words. No one went to jail. It was a good day.

Friday, June 8, 2007

The Perfect Mauve Lipstick Found, Ironic Quote of the Day, Bob's New Resolution

Yesterday I had to pay my Kohl's bill & another one so I won't have bills to pay on Friday after work so I can meet Jamie at the church to work on our room for vacation bible school on the 17th. There is a new store next to Kohl's called Ulta. I thought it was a make up store from the signs. I almost started not to go inside. I saw a Bare Minereals display and went on in. I found some blackhead stuff for Rhett but will see if can get it cheaper elsewhere first. Then I began searching for the perfect shade of mauve lipstick. I have not been able to find it in years. I'd buy a tube, then get home & it wouldn't be the right color. It wouldn't be dark enough or look peachy. I tried several but the right one was Cherry Plum by redearth which I never heard of before. It was $14. I bought it. I had to look in the mirror when I got out to the car. I couldn't believe how good my lips looked! I was extremely happy. As I have said before, it doesn't take much for me.

I stopped at Backyard Burgers and got us all burgers for supper. Don said there was a message for me on the answering machine. It was Jimmy calling to tell my our friend Bob's father died. I was sorry to hear that message. After we ate, I called Jimmy. He was actually at Bob's house but Bob had gone on to bed. Jimmy said he and his brother Joe were doing good. The visitation is today @ 5. I told Jimmy I'd be there even though I was supposed to meet Jamie at the church around that time. Friends take precedence and I'd hoped Jamie will understand and she did for which I was grateful.

Nothing on tv so Rhett & I played word games on the game boy. I won the 1st game of scrabble Jr against the computer or whatever is inside the game! Then we played Scrabble blast, taking turns which took all night! I'd forgotten how it is at the end... a bunch of vowels that don't spell any words which is frustrating. So we just turned it off without looking to see how won the game.

I sent an email out this morning about Bob's father's death. The good news is I will get to see Bob & Jimmy this evening. The bad news is the circumstance. In my email, I thanked everyone I sent it to for being my friend, for meeting my prayer requests and for having the same sense of humor as I do. Also I added my Motto of the day:

Keep on laughing. ~Becky Bristow Voyles~

I have a busy day today. I have to return the Julie Ortalon book Too Perfect to the library today. Its one of the best books I have read in awhile. Why do I now like books about heavy set women and the men who fall in love with them? I have to pick up some prescriptions, pick up Rhett & go to the funeral home. Then we go to the church to meet Jamie. Afterwards, we meet Don, her husband and daughter at Applebee's for dinner.

Tomorrow @ 11 is Bob's father's funeral. Rhett has a birthday party @ 4:30. At 6 is my uncle surprise birhthday party which I still haven't decided if we are going to attend yet. If we should decide to go to the cheap movies afterwards, I'd probably fall asleep!

It was ironic that Mike E sent me an email about Anger Management. I was almost scared to open it after what happened earlier in the week. It was something I'd read before but forgotten about until I read more than halfway down. It was still just as funny and probably sexist against men but who cares? I just wondered if he'd sent it to my cuz, but was too scared to ask him. Now I seem to be second guessing my friends and I should not do that.

Ironic Quote of the Day:

Never get into a shouting match with someone with a jailhouse tattoo.
-H. Jackson Brown, Jr.-

My friend Bob is actually answering emails today! He said his father coded but died peacefully in his sleep. The drs had found pancreatic cancer which would have been a long, painful ordeal if he had not coded. Bob says he's giving up fussing at God and to remind him of his new resolution:

"Even when things don't work out like I want or think they should, tell me to hush my fussing because God knows best."
-Bob Slaughter-

Thursday, June 7, 2007

My Husband, My Knight in Shining Armor, Appreciate the calm, THE ACID, Perfect Quote of the Day

When I told my husband about what my cuz had done to me, first read him the email about the bored man @ Walmart which Don laughed about. He thought it was funny & found nothing wrong with it as every other normal person did. He said he'd send him an email saying, " You may be my cousin but you have no sense of humor so I won't be sending you any more emails." I knew that wouldn't go over well. It would only add gas to his embers and there was no telling what he might do in retalliation. Then I told him I'd deleted Mike's email address from all my internet sources as well as my life. Don also told me he would say somthing to my cuz if we went to the surprise party for my uncle. It made me feel good that my husband would stand up for me as he should. Like my knight in shining armor. Sigh. Then I got to thinking..., if Don caused a scene, is that any worse than Mike ruining it for everyone? The family would be mad at Don instead of Mike who caused all this in the first place. So maybe we shouldn't go. But what if this is my uncle last birthday?

Rhett has a birthday party prior to the surprise party, but they will be on the same side of town. Mom could call me on my cell phone to tell me if my cuz is there or not. I sort of think he won't be, but then he probably would be there just to confront me, cause trouble & spoil it for everyone. What to do, what to do? This certainly has made me appreciate the nice, calm days in our lives more.

This morning, the acid in my stomach projected up like projectile vomit into my throat, scalding and burning the roof of my mouth. That awful stuff was in my tummy? Then I remembered... the book I am reading about dragons You Slay Me by Katie McAlister and how she kissed the dragon man. She was nearly engulfed in flames within her body. Only she is his mate. Being a guardian, her mind opened a door which held the secret as well as her ability to send the flames right back at him, much to his shock. That's how he knew she was his mate. Now I am not saying I am a dragon here... Just full of acid from the previous day's events. Luckily I bought Zantac yesterday.

My friend Kevin posted this, The Perfect Quote of the Day on the bullentin board at work:

Getting back up after a knock or two is the real road to victory - it shows your true fire and determination to cross the finish line.
~Kimberly Adamson~

I thanked Kevin for this quote. He replied back and said I "need to be more protective of my buttons."

So I am going to quote him...

"I hope your day is better than just better."
-Kevin Aker-

Today I am so thankful for my friends who support me.
~Becky Bristow Voyles~

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

I No longer have a cousin

I realize I have not blogged in a long while. I just did not feel the pressing need to do so until today... because I need to vent very badly!

We went to Indy for the birthdays. We stopped in Clarksville & let Rhett pick out his own bike. He was so excited until he realized how hard it was trying to ride it on the grass. He thought he could just get on it & take off. It was a lot cooler up there & we all packed for summer. There was alot more to Indy but I have another matter on my mind today...

I have been collecting quotes as always, but do not feel like putting any on here today. I have something else to say...

I awoke singing the last hymn we sang in church at the Sun evening service so I just knew it was going to be a good day for me; that God was going to take care of me today, tomorrow and always.... I went back to sleep and forgot the song, but still knew I was in the Lord's hands. I even sent an email out about this to all my friends. I was checking my emails at work. I had several from my friend Mike E. Then there was one from just Mike. I went into it. It was from my crazy gay cuz Mike. I'd sent out a funny email about a bored married man @ Walmart. I'd even sent this to our preacher so I did not see anything wrong with it.

He said: "Last chance -- next time, I get your fired. Period." I had no idea what he meant or was talking about. I even asked a mutual friend of our's which I sort of wished I had not involved him in it. Then had to beg the mutal friend not to say anything to my crazy cuz because it would only make the situation far worse.

I called my mom to tell her about the emails. She told me to stop sending any to him. Yesterday she'd just invited me to a surprise birthday party for my uncle, Mike's father. She said the surprise party was Mike's idea. I told her I did not think we could go now, but she says she is still going for her brother. Is that why he did this, so I wouldn't go? So he could spoil his own father's birthday? He is so miserable, he just has to make life hell for everyone else.

I was remembering years ago, being with Mike at Crowley's and we got into a yelling match because he was blaming me for everything that had gone wrong in the family; blaming me for things my mom did when I was a child which I had no control over. I just knew my Daddy was going to have to bail me out of jail that night so I took his butt home! He had the nerve to kiss me on the cheek and tell me he loved me after that! Things were never the same between us since then. Memories of that night brought tears to my eyes. I did not want to go thru that again.

I went into my AOL. I had 2 emails from him there. Not sure what this email was referencing but he said:

"I'll try one more time.... when I see 3400 dead fish in Iraq, I'll entertain this sort of thing. Until such time, females are just fish... pure and simple. DO NOT SEND SUCH AGAIN, or I'll turn you into the city for all the other sexist crap you've sent at the expense of men. F--- with me ONE MORE TIME."

In another one he called me "Goddamn this little fish."

So I am a fish now. I could be called a lot worse. Maybe I should send him a fish in the mail, but he would know it was me who sent it plus he is not worth the postage. I would not sink to his level. Although the thought did make me feel better. If we do go to Applebee's, maybe I'll order the fish & look directly at him - if he goes. I will be there with my husband and family. Let him throw one of his fits. Maybe he'll get arrested. They will send him to the jail, not out here where I work. We could always leave if she starts showing out.

I immediately deleted his name from all my email addresses and my life. I will never send him another email or speak to him again. This is the last time he will do me like this. What did to him? What did I do to deserve this? Its not like I wrote the words that were sent out as funny to make normal friends and family laugh when we need it most. None of my other friends have complained. Even my gay friends thank me for all the funny things I send them on days we they feel down and they really needed them.

I told one friend in the office at work about some of this. That he'd threatened me with my job. She said if he called, they wouldn't let the call go through which made me feel good to know I have friends. It had me upset so bad, I didn't want to eat lunch.

As the afternoon came on, so did my strength and the old Becky returned; the one that can survive anything. I realized I did not write the words. None of my friends have complained. It is not me. It is him. And I am done with him as of today. I no longer have a cousin.

Later I was able to find weird coincidences in the day, in the book I am reading, You Slay Me by Katie MacAlister. Even though I did not feel like sending funny emails out after this. So life goes on... even though I feel like I could cry again at any momemt. I will go to the grocery store after work to pick up the small items we need. I will relax at my mom's house before we got to church tonight.

Our preacher's wife said in an email that if I do decide to go, I still have a different life to come home to afterwards. A life for which I am most thankful.

My friend Lisa said when we do good, sometime bad things happen to us. Its just life. No one expects stuff like this from family.