Wednesday, June 6, 2007

I No longer have a cousin

I realize I have not blogged in a long while. I just did not feel the pressing need to do so until today... because I need to vent very badly!

We went to Indy for the birthdays. We stopped in Clarksville & let Rhett pick out his own bike. He was so excited until he realized how hard it was trying to ride it on the grass. He thought he could just get on it & take off. It was a lot cooler up there & we all packed for summer. There was alot more to Indy but I have another matter on my mind today...

I have been collecting quotes as always, but do not feel like putting any on here today. I have something else to say...

I awoke singing the last hymn we sang in church at the Sun evening service so I just knew it was going to be a good day for me; that God was going to take care of me today, tomorrow and always.... I went back to sleep and forgot the song, but still knew I was in the Lord's hands. I even sent an email out about this to all my friends. I was checking my emails at work. I had several from my friend Mike E. Then there was one from just Mike. I went into it. It was from my crazy gay cuz Mike. I'd sent out a funny email about a bored married man @ Walmart. I'd even sent this to our preacher so I did not see anything wrong with it.

He said: "Last chance -- next time, I get your fired. Period." I had no idea what he meant or was talking about. I even asked a mutual friend of our's which I sort of wished I had not involved him in it. Then had to beg the mutal friend not to say anything to my crazy cuz because it would only make the situation far worse.

I called my mom to tell her about the emails. She told me to stop sending any to him. Yesterday she'd just invited me to a surprise birthday party for my uncle, Mike's father. She said the surprise party was Mike's idea. I told her I did not think we could go now, but she says she is still going for her brother. Is that why he did this, so I wouldn't go? So he could spoil his own father's birthday? He is so miserable, he just has to make life hell for everyone else.

I was remembering years ago, being with Mike at Crowley's and we got into a yelling match because he was blaming me for everything that had gone wrong in the family; blaming me for things my mom did when I was a child which I had no control over. I just knew my Daddy was going to have to bail me out of jail that night so I took his butt home! He had the nerve to kiss me on the cheek and tell me he loved me after that! Things were never the same between us since then. Memories of that night brought tears to my eyes. I did not want to go thru that again.

I went into my AOL. I had 2 emails from him there. Not sure what this email was referencing but he said:

"I'll try one more time.... when I see 3400 dead fish in Iraq, I'll entertain this sort of thing. Until such time, females are just fish... pure and simple. DO NOT SEND SUCH AGAIN, or I'll turn you into the city for all the other sexist crap you've sent at the expense of men. F--- with me ONE MORE TIME."

In another one he called me "Goddamn this little fish."

So I am a fish now. I could be called a lot worse. Maybe I should send him a fish in the mail, but he would know it was me who sent it plus he is not worth the postage. I would not sink to his level. Although the thought did make me feel better. If we do go to Applebee's, maybe I'll order the fish & look directly at him - if he goes. I will be there with my husband and family. Let him throw one of his fits. Maybe he'll get arrested. They will send him to the jail, not out here where I work. We could always leave if she starts showing out.

I immediately deleted his name from all my email addresses and my life. I will never send him another email or speak to him again. This is the last time he will do me like this. What did to him? What did I do to deserve this? Its not like I wrote the words that were sent out as funny to make normal friends and family laugh when we need it most. None of my other friends have complained. Even my gay friends thank me for all the funny things I send them on days we they feel down and they really needed them.

I told one friend in the office at work about some of this. That he'd threatened me with my job. She said if he called, they wouldn't let the call go through which made me feel good to know I have friends. It had me upset so bad, I didn't want to eat lunch.

As the afternoon came on, so did my strength and the old Becky returned; the one that can survive anything. I realized I did not write the words. None of my friends have complained. It is not me. It is him. And I am done with him as of today. I no longer have a cousin.

Later I was able to find weird coincidences in the day, in the book I am reading, You Slay Me by Katie MacAlister. Even though I did not feel like sending funny emails out after this. So life goes on... even though I feel like I could cry again at any momemt. I will go to the grocery store after work to pick up the small items we need. I will relax at my mom's house before we got to church tonight.

Our preacher's wife said in an email that if I do decide to go, I still have a different life to come home to afterwards. A life for which I am most thankful.

My friend Lisa said when we do good, sometime bad things happen to us. Its just life. No one expects stuff like this from family.

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