My Words Made Me Cry Today

Today I went through an old motivational calendar looking for designs for the collage.The calendar was from 2002. Its funny now that I used put on there when I started and stopped my periods. I don't have to worry about that now. It had the day Joanne died. I kept the quotes I really liked and trashed the ones I didn't care for.

My best friend Genie sent me an email about horses today. I'd read it before. It was about a compassionate man who kept his blind horse and rather than putting him down, he placed a bell on the younger horse so the blind one could be lead by him through every day life. Now as I said before, I am reading The Notebook which reminded me of my old love so I guess I am a bit emotional today. Prior to reading Genie's email, the book had just mentioned after a 14 year absence, the two old loves met again. Of course I had to count it up to see how long it has been since I last saw Bob and it has been 20 years this month!

It really is a good book. Just something about the words... I like the writing style. I can almost picture it... There is something about it that I said I couldn't describe before. Maybe its just comforting like the words wrap themselves around you like a lover or a your favorite blanket/comforter, etc. Even though it reminds me of Bob, I will still read it to the end even if it makes me cry. I haven't read a book that has made me have a good cry in awhile since reading Place of Sage or Higher Ground last year. My friend Penny, also Genie's cousin, thinks it is cathartic like watching an old Bonanza episode or a Little House on the Praire show.

Its kind of funny in a weird way... I'd meant to send both of them an email about this... Saturday evening as we were leaving to go eat, as I was getting in the big monster truck, the door struck my West Virgina thermometer Bob gave me. I'd brought it with me when I moved into Don's house after we were married. The door broke the plastic cover and it shattered all over the cement floor of the carport - sort of like my heart did back then when Bob no longer had time for me once he moved away. Of course I was not concerned about the truck at all! My first thought was something might have happened to Bob at that exact moment. I was mad I had shattered it, but there was not much I could do about it now. I was too hungry to feel much else. Then I just simply let it go. (Or did I?) Don was probably mad about the truck door, but didn't say anything which was for the best. Of course he didn't know the history behind the the thermometer which hung there neglected all these 13 years. Some days without so much as a glance but always there; always in the background. Sort of like a ghost.

Well enough being morose and verbose!

I thanked Genie for being my friend and wearing the bell that has guided me all these years. Then my words made myself cry. I blamed it on the book bringing back old feelings to the surface again. I also sent the horse email and the email I'd just sent Genie to Penny. I also thanked Penny for being the horse that wore the bell that guided me all these years since she and Genie are my two best friends in the whole world. No one else comes close to them. The tears have gone now as I have typed the words. I guess I got it all out of my system. Purged my soul.

Quote of the day:

Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.
-Unknown-