Friday, June 17, 2011

Over Due

There is a post I had been meaning to write for some time now. Then thought better of it. Today I decided to write it when I went to a blog I once worshipped like a false god. I probably didn't write that post at the time, thinking the person or persons would know who I was writing about. Not that I really care now. Although I don't think they visit my blog even half as much as I once visited their's. They probably found mine boring and uninteresting whereas I once thought their's was the coolest thing since ice. This probably is not the way I would have written it then when I was emotionally raw with hurt which is probably a good thing. Never write angry. Or if you do, tear it up.

Life is funny sometimes. You find what you think you need to find some days. Other days you keep searching and searching and searching for even a small happiness. One day you find a blog you love because of it's writing style and follow it for a long time. Or you find one that inspires you to see life totally different both of which happened to me when I first began blogging. Sometimes you feel you have found a friend in that person due to a commonality & perhaps you have. For a time. Or all of a sudden a person changes so drastically, making your realize you never really knew that person. People are fickle yet I always remain the same. Ever true to myself and others. Ever faithful to my friends and family. Always doing what I feel is right. Not just for myself but others.

One day you realize you have stopped going to that person's blog a lot less. They are no longer your first blog stop. You are not that dependent on them any more or their every word. It is not that you don't need them any more. You probably never really did need them. You have your own interests, desires, passions and life happening. Some days you are too busy to visit them. But you don't feel as bad about it these days as if you really missed something because what is happening in your own life is far, far more important. You know you can always catch up if you so desire only the desire is no longer as strong as it once was. You got busy. They got busy. Life happened. While others changed blogs like underwear, so much so that you couldn't keep up or find them so you moved on. Thinking "Oh, well...". Some people are only meant to be in our lives for a time.

Perhaps you were silly and naïve to think they were really your friends. For you know who your real friends are. They are the ones that have stuck by you forever and day. The ones you have know since kindergarten or for 30 years or more. The ones who will always be there for you. The ones you can always count on. The ones how help you out when needed. They are real. They are here. Not out in blogland. They don't hurt your feelings via emails telling you they are far too busy for you and do not have time for your emails. This has happened to me several times. I think I really have a problem with someone telling me they longer have time for me. It hurts me far worse for a reason. A past hurt I will never ever get over. Even as I write this, it brings back that painful memory and tears to my eyes. My true friends would never do that to me. They know my history. Even I would never say a lot of things others have said in life, on a blog or in an email that would hurt someone's feelings. I think before I speak or write. It is called tact. I tend to not respond rather than say the wrong thing.

At that time when I was hurt, I vowed I would never bother those persons with an email EVER again. Ever. I have kept my word. Nor would I comment on his or her blog. Funny now their interests are not as interesting to me as they once were. I know I didn't always agree with the person or persons. I am not one to argue. Still this is another life lesson for me. It made me appreciate my life far more. It made me proud that I worship God and know who He is as my savior not some so called goddess. I love my crazy, never a dull moment, sometimes stressful artistic life.

Don't get me wrong, I have made some wonderful friends since I began blogging and I am so thankful for all of them. If I had not started reading blogs, I probably would not be on this artistic journey I am on now. I wouldn't have found my niche or my passion for art which keeps me sane now.

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